Uncle Bill Love Letter

Saturday afternoon, I received a phone call from my Aunt Julie informing me that my Uncle Bill had been hospitalized at Flower Hospital with complications from his lung cancer. They had put in a chest tube, and tried putting Talc in the lining of his lung to reduce the amount of fluid he was creating. Since the procedure, he had really spiraled downhill (they actually thought they were going to "lose" him that morning) and the prognosis had changed (giving him from a couple of days to a few months to live.)

My Uncle Bill has always been a significant part of my life. I can't remember a time when I didn't think he was simply the greatest thing. I love him with all my heart. The feeling is mutual and he always lights up the moment he sees me too.

I have been aware of my Uncle's battle with Lung Cancer and have been keeping tabs on him since last fall. I thought I was prepared for the eventual possibility of my Uncle's loss with this battle, until I awoke this morning and was ambushed by emotion. I decided since a great number of the Lake family (including my father) had come in to town to resolve any unresolved issues and "make peace"...that I too had some things that I wanted to say to my Uncle Bill before his time was too late.

This is my love letter to him...

Dear Uncle Bill,

When you shared with me last November, that you had just been given the battle of a lifetime to overcome...I knew there were some things that I hoped I would be able to get to say to you before your time here on earth drew to a close. Unfortunately, I am not someone who finds it easy to verbalize my emotions.

This morning, I awakened with the realization that if I wanted to share with you the things that I want to "say"...the time is now. I hope I will be able to adequately convey to you the importance that you have held in my life.

I have had very few constants in my life...we have moved from place to place and others have come in and out of my life, but one stable force that I can’t recall ever not being there is my adoration for you. You have always been one of my all time favorite people! As a little girl, I was absolutely in love with you...so much so that I was convinced I would marry you when I grew up. I remember being very jealous when you first married Julie...thinking "No! I was supposed to marry him!" It wasn’t until I was convinced of her love and devotion to you...that I could even decide to like her.

Notice the Pabst Blue Ribbon in Uncle Bill's hand

My memories of you when I was young have always included...you smiling as soon as I came near. I would then hear you call me by my pet name "Hey, Baby Girl". As you would hug me I would be enveloped with the aroma that always reminded me of "Uncle Bill"... the combination of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, Lucky Strike Cigarettes, your Zippo lighters, and cologne. I wouldn’t be able to wait until the moment when I could climb up on your lap and watch you play cards (often times, until your leg would become completely numb :P ) Who wanted to go play with the kids...when I could sit there with you? I always knew that you loved me with all your heart...and felt like "I was the sun, the moon, and the stars to you." For a little girl, who was always feeling desperate for her own "father’s love and adoration"...those moments with you were the closest I would ever be able to come to knowing what it felt like to be adored and safe. When I would sit there encircled in your arms, I always knew I would be safe and there was nothing or noone that could hurt me. I mourned the day when I was too "big" to crawl up on your lap anymore. As I grew older (and accepted that you wouldn’t be marrying me ;) ), I hoped I would find a man who could make me feel that same sense of adoration and security.

Uncle Bill and I at Aunt Lynne's Funeral 1998 (I was pregnant for Luke)

I can’t remember one "bad" moment with you. We have both had our share of struggles, dysfunction, heartaches, and trials in our individual lives...but in our relationship with one another we have had nothing but love, laughter, and security. Even as an adult, I have always known if I needed a shoulder to cry on, a protective hug, or someone to listen...you would always be there for me. Thank you for loving that little girl who was so desperate to be loved! My world has always been a better place with you in it!

At this time when you are making "peace" with those you love. I just want you to know that I have always loved you. I love you now. And I will always love you! Some things will never change. I am grateful for the faith and knowledge that I have that Families are Forever! I know that this isn’t the end of "us", but just the next phase of life. I look forward to having another "Guardian Angel" around me, and look forward to being able to see you again.

I love you with all my heart,

Baby Girl