Silver Linings

As I was getting ready for church realizing that I would have to deal with our crew on my own today at church, after Jonathan awakened in the night vomiting...I began to wonder, "Why am I doing this? It would be so much easier to just crawl back in to bed and not even bother. The kids will be impossible~as always! I'll end up fighting everyone to wake up, fighting them to get to church and feebly attempt to get there on time, then I'll be fighting with them to behave while at church. I'll spend the whole time taking care of everyone else...will I even be able to feel the Spirit or be edified myself? Why do I even try so hard, when it feels like all I'm really doing is beating my head in to a brick wall? Why do I continually feel like my "best" is never going to be good enough? And Lord, why do I have to have such conflicting dilemmas facing me all of the time? Because of these conflicts, I end up feeling like a failure most all of the time."

I persevered and went to church anyways. Knowing today was Fast and Testimony meeting...if any Sunday would build me up, it would surely be this one. I swear the testimonies borne were just for me. Testimony after testimony that was shared, included our Heavenly Father's awareness of our every need and desire. He gives us exactly what we most need, not necessarily what we most want. I began to realize that our Heavenly Father watches out for me in some of the simplest ways. He doesn't necessarily make my journey smooth, but he makes sure I am provided with exactly what I need to make it through. If I get frustrated or overwhelmed, it is only because I allow my perspective to be skewed and try to start controlling the journey, rather than allowing Him to guide me.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who is so incredibly patient with me. He lovingly guides me and teaches me all the things I need to know. He provides me with so many simple joys, that often times mean the most to me. He has surrounded me with a family who absolutely love me with all their hearts. And best of all, he lovingly waits for me to "get it". He never loses faith in me...hoping that I'll keep from losing faith in myself. I am grateful for his patience with me and giving me exactly what I need, right when I need it.

The Docks

Jonathan in front of his Hot Rod

Maria and Jonathan at The Docks

Downtown Toledo

Sunset

It has been a gray, dreary, chilly Spring thus far...
On the contrary, today was absolutely beautiful in the 80's.
Jonathan suggested we go on a Date Night...the last thing we wanted to do is to be couped up.
Therefore, we decided to go to The Docks in the International Parks along the Maumee River.
We enjoyed a ride in the Hot Rod with the T-tops off, a walk along the river, and dinner at Sunset at The Navy Bistro. It was delightful :D

My heart took a picture

There are moments in life, where if you pay attention, you'll realize... they are the significant moments.

Often times, it is an ordinary moment. A quiet moment. But it is these moments, that I relish. When I realize everything I have and how grateful I am for the opportunity to be a mother to these 4 boys.

It is in these moments that my heart takes a picture :D

Dylan

Kyle Luke Nicholas I Wish for You
I wish you the courage to be warm
when the world would prefer that you be cool.
I wish you success sufficient to your needs
I wish you failure to temper that success.
I wish you joy in all your days;
I wish you sadness so that you may better measure joy,
I wish you gladness to over balance grief,
I wish you humor and a twinkle in the eye.
I wish you glory and the strength to bear its burdens.
I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season your journey....
I wish you peace ~ in the world in which you lie
and in the smallest corner of the heart where truth is kept.
I wish you faith ~ to help define your living and your life.
More I cannot wish you ~ except perhaps love ~ to make all the rest worthwhile.
By Robert A. Ward

Nurse Mother

The last year, I have been having a lot more responsibility thrown at me at work. I have been asked to train in the charge nurse position, orient new employees to our floor, orient employees to "Core" (which is what we call nurses who can work Antepartum), and precept students (precepting is when a student works one on one with a nurse for a designated amount of hours to assist in learning nursing care/practice on a more independent level than they have had the opportunity to work).

After orienting a couple new employees in the fall, Shelley came to precept under me starting in January. She is in the UT/MUO Gemini program getting her Masters in Nursing. Because of this, she was required to precept with me for 300 hours. If you do the math...that equals out to 25 twelve hour shifts. Quite demanding for a student who also has tests, projects, presentations and classroom time to accomplish. My first thought when I found out about the 300 hours was "I certainly hope we get along."

My worries were appeased quickly. Shelley and I got along famously. She was a great student, willing to watch and listen and then incorporate the things she learned in her own practice. She was always willing to hear my counsel and improve upon her care, rather than letting pride hinder her from learning the lessons she could learn. She is as loyal as they come. If someone came up and was harassing her for having to work with me, she would defend me vehemently and make sure it was clear that she was grateful to have me for her preceptor.

Tonight was bittersweet, because it was the completion of Shelley's 300 hours. I really feel like I'm going to be lost without her. We have become quite the pair...and I really loved having her with me. I wish her all the luck and success in her Nursing career.

I know she will be a fabulous nurse!

In gratitude for helping her, Shelley wrote me a thank you card that said...

"Maria,

First of all, I want to say thank you for accepting the position as my preceptor because I know this was a big task to take on!

And thank you for coming in all of those nights thru back pain & migraines!

Thanks for being dedicated to ME.

You are officially deemed my "Nurse Mother!"

You helped motivate me, support me, were a great example & helped guide me.

You helped boost my performance, competency and confidence.

You made my clinical experience enjoyable and I wouldn't have wanted to be led by anyone else!

Although I know I acted like I just wanted to get it done

(that was more because I have so much other work to do),

I will for sure miss our fun-filled nights on 3 North!

With all the Beyonce renditions and funny things you always did,

we provided each other much comic relief,

but when it came down to the job,

You did it and did it well!

I will be a better nurse because of you!

I even know my abbreviations now, but please don't quiz me! (Joking)

The "hot mess" dynamic duo is done for now, but our legacy will always live on!

Love your Personal Assistant ~Shelley :)"

In gratitude for the time I gave to teaching Shelley she gave me this bracelet

and these roses

I have been molded and taught by several of my own "nurse mothers". I am grateful to each of them for being an example to me, and showing me the kind of nurse I not only could be...but wanted to be. Ironically, tonight as Shelley and I were wrapping up our time together...one of my "nurse mothers" was a family member to one of our patients. I was able to introduce Shelley to Ceci and show Ceci the kind of nurse she had helped to develop. I am grateful for the confidence that is placed in me to help others and for the opportunity to be able to share some of what I have learned on to another.

It was my pleasure Shelley, I will miss you greatly! Good luck to you in all of your endeavors :D

Chitter Chatter

I think I learned another definition of true love....

sitting in constant, bone-chilling winds and rain

to watch your son play his soccer game :D

I wore a fleece sweater, turtleneck and rain jacket. Sat underneath a down stadium blanket

and still managed to chitter chatter throughout the whole game.

As cold as it was...Luke offered his jacket to the goalie,

who wouldn't be able to run around as much as he would.

His heart is so kind!

I was so proud of him in that moment, when I saw him willing to self-sacrifice for one of his teammates :D

Luke made the first goal of the game :D

Luke's team won 5-1

After the game we hustled home, and made some hot cocoa to warm ourselves back up.

Six more weeks to go. Let's hope that Spring gets here and stays here! Brrrr!

Grandpa Lake comes to visit

My Dad surprised us by coming to town Sunday morning, to see his brother Bill in the hospital. I haven't really talked much with my dad for the last couple of years. I can't recall a specific reason to explain exactly why? or what happened? We just basically lost touch. I didn't even know that my Dad and Cindy had moved from Port Richey, Florida to Rogersville, Tennessee last summer.

My children have been asking lots of curious questions about Grandpa Lake during the last six months to a year. I spent the majority of the morning and afternoon up at the hospital with the Lake Family. I asked my Dad if he might be willing to come to visit with the boys.

He came for lunch and spent the afternoon today.

Me and My Dad

Playing Apples to Apples with the crew

Nicholas with Grandpa Lake (yes, he has two suckers in his mouth....big goofball :D)

Grandpa Lake with Luke

Grandpa Lake and Dylan (Dylan loves showing off that he is taller than others)

Kyle and Grandpa Lake...Kyle was in a "mood" and wouldn't cooperate with pictures

We were glad to see you Grandpa Lake :D

Uncle Bill Love Letter

Saturday afternoon, I received a phone call from my Aunt Julie informing me that my Uncle Bill had been hospitalized at Flower Hospital with complications from his lung cancer. They had put in a chest tube, and tried putting Talc in the lining of his lung to reduce the amount of fluid he was creating. Since the procedure, he had really spiraled downhill (they actually thought they were going to "lose" him that morning) and the prognosis had changed (giving him from a couple of days to a few months to live.)

My Uncle Bill has always been a significant part of my life. I can't remember a time when I didn't think he was simply the greatest thing. I love him with all my heart. The feeling is mutual and he always lights up the moment he sees me too.

I have been aware of my Uncle's battle with Lung Cancer and have been keeping tabs on him since last fall. I thought I was prepared for the eventual possibility of my Uncle's loss with this battle, until I awoke this morning and was ambushed by emotion. I decided since a great number of the Lake family (including my father) had come in to town to resolve any unresolved issues and "make peace"...that I too had some things that I wanted to say to my Uncle Bill before his time was too late.

This is my love letter to him...

Dear Uncle Bill,

When you shared with me last November, that you had just been given the battle of a lifetime to overcome...I knew there were some things that I hoped I would be able to get to say to you before your time here on earth drew to a close. Unfortunately, I am not someone who finds it easy to verbalize my emotions.

This morning, I awakened with the realization that if I wanted to share with you the things that I want to "say"...the time is now. I hope I will be able to adequately convey to you the importance that you have held in my life.

I have had very few constants in my life...we have moved from place to place and others have come in and out of my life, but one stable force that I can’t recall ever not being there is my adoration for you. You have always been one of my all time favorite people! As a little girl, I was absolutely in love with you...so much so that I was convinced I would marry you when I grew up. I remember being very jealous when you first married Julie...thinking "No! I was supposed to marry him!" It wasn’t until I was convinced of her love and devotion to you...that I could even decide to like her.

Notice the Pabst Blue Ribbon in Uncle Bill's hand

My memories of you when I was young have always included...you smiling as soon as I came near. I would then hear you call me by my pet name "Hey, Baby Girl". As you would hug me I would be enveloped with the aroma that always reminded me of "Uncle Bill"... the combination of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, Lucky Strike Cigarettes, your Zippo lighters, and cologne. I wouldn’t be able to wait until the moment when I could climb up on your lap and watch you play cards (often times, until your leg would become completely numb :P ) Who wanted to go play with the kids...when I could sit there with you? I always knew that you loved me with all your heart...and felt like "I was the sun, the moon, and the stars to you." For a little girl, who was always feeling desperate for her own "father’s love and adoration"...those moments with you were the closest I would ever be able to come to knowing what it felt like to be adored and safe. When I would sit there encircled in your arms, I always knew I would be safe and there was nothing or noone that could hurt me. I mourned the day when I was too "big" to crawl up on your lap anymore. As I grew older (and accepted that you wouldn’t be marrying me ;) ), I hoped I would find a man who could make me feel that same sense of adoration and security.

Uncle Bill and I at Aunt Lynne's Funeral 1998 (I was pregnant for Luke)

I can’t remember one "bad" moment with you. We have both had our share of struggles, dysfunction, heartaches, and trials in our individual lives...but in our relationship with one another we have had nothing but love, laughter, and security. Even as an adult, I have always known if I needed a shoulder to cry on, a protective hug, or someone to listen...you would always be there for me. Thank you for loving that little girl who was so desperate to be loved! My world has always been a better place with you in it!

At this time when you are making "peace" with those you love. I just want you to know that I have always loved you. I love you now. And I will always love you! Some things will never change. I am grateful for the faith and knowledge that I have that Families are Forever! I know that this isn’t the end of "us", but just the next phase of life. I look forward to having another "Guardian Angel" around me, and look forward to being able to see you again.

I love you with all my heart,

Baby Girl

Coloring Easter Eggs 2009

It's a tradition...we color Easter Eggs the day before Easter

Look at these beauties :D

The favorite!

Luke

Luke coloring Easter Eggs

Luke and Nicholas

Nicholas coloring eggs

Luke shows off his egg

Nicholas shows off his egg

Mega Play

Friday, April 10th, 2009

One thing the Wickers and Simons have in common is the boys LOVE to play video games.

Jeanine thought it might be fun to take them to a place called Mega Play.

We decided to try this place out, rather than our traditional Spring Break trip to Chuck E. Cheese.

I sprained my back at work on Tuesday. By today, my back was screaming in pain. Lucky for me, later on this evening Jeanine helps me stretch out the muscle. Its nice having a massage therapist for a friend :D
Jeanine...Jonathan razzed her about wearing a life preserver today instead of yesterday when we were at the Lake, but I thought she looked pretty stylish :P

Maria and Jeanine at Mega Play

Cuties!

Jonathan watching Dylan play

Dylan playing his game. (Jeanine and I were getting a kick out of both taking pictures simultaneously...we are easily amused :P)

Kyle playing video games...it's a favorite past time with this crew.

Elijah playing a racing game

Nicholas playing

Luke playing

Luke and Nicholas played Air Hockey for the longest time. They were so cute together :D

After we finished here we rented "Bedtime Stories" and "Bolt" and headed back home. The kids really got in to playing Guitar Hero, and I'm just waiting for Dylan to inform me that he wants to play the guitar now. He definitely loves the game :P

Lake Michigan

About a week before Spring Break, Kyle came to me and informed me "Mom, next week is Spring Break. That means we can go on a trip. How about we go to Florida or something?" Florida isn't exactly a trip you plan in a week, but I thought this might be the perfect opportunity for us to take a couple of days and go and visit Jeanine and Elijah in South Bend, Indiana. A check of the calendar, a few phone calls to arrange the trip and the Rieger's to take Grandma for the duration of our trip...and we had a trip set in stone.
I worked Wednesday night, came home and slept for a few hours and we were on our way. We were able to get to South Bend after a couple of hours. The kids played football for a little bit and then we journeyed about 45 minutes away to a beach at Lake Michigan in St. Joseph, Michigan.
We were able to get a number of really great shots, but there are too many to include all of them in this posting. Check out the slideshow for more pics....

Nicholas drew our family name in the sand :D

Kyle tickled our hearts when he got out of the car with his cape on and light saber in hand. What a cutie!

Jonathan and Maria

Jonathan...so glad to be on vacation! (even if it is only for a couple of days)

Jeanine and Maria happy to be together again :D

Nicholas happy to see the water

Luke building a sand castle

Dylan standing at the water front. He enjoyed walking around barefoot and going in the Lake. You know it was freeeeezzzzing! Crazy kid!

Jeanine and Elijah Wicker...our fabulous friends

Jonathan sitting in front of a sand dune

Nicholas wanted his feet buried in the sand

Dylan and Luke playing in the sand together

Kyle exploring the water front

This is my favorite shot of the day! Jonathan and I argue over who took it :D

Jonathan collects Trains as one of his hobbies. His dream is to be a train engineer and drive trains.

You thought the kids were bad about having to leave. Jonathan was so distraught over leaving, he threw himself on the railroad tracks. LOL :D

The weather was decent compared to what it has been lately. It would be fun to come back again when the weather is warm.