Gramma's Eulogy

Since Gramma's passing, I have been busy making arrangements for Gramma's Celebration of Life Service, finishing up the Celebration of Life video, and writing Gramma's Eulogy. Here is what I wrote...

"As I read Gramma's obituary this morning, I was struck with how much you wouldn't know about her and her life by reading it. Sure you learned when she was born, when she died, people who loved her and those she loved. But where did it tell you the kind of person she was? The life that she lived? What her interests and passions might be? Where did it tell you that her favorite color was Turquoise. She loved to dance. She loved to eat. She loved to laugh. She loved cats. She loved plants and nurturing life. She loved beauty. She loved the scriptures and had an abiding faith in God.

Where did it tell you that the best thing she ever did in this life was to become a mother? That she loved it so much, that she couldn't have enough children...having 13 of her own. Risking her very own life having 6 simultaneous ceasarean sections. That just when she thought it couldn't be any better to be a mother, she became a grandmother...learning she had only begun to understand her capacity for love. Where did it tell you her favorite place in the entire world was to be surrounded by her family? That she loved her family more than her very own life.

Where did it tell you that the greatest losses she ever endured came by way of the pains endured by her own children? Early in her life she was introduced to loss. She lost her mother when she was barely a woman herself. She lost her first born daughter Paula when she was just a baby. She lost her 9 year old son Greg when he was riding his bike. She lost her son Roy to the ravaging effects of cancer. And she lost her son, Michael through the devastating effects of depression. These losses were deep and even crippling at times for her. Henry James once said, Sorrow comes in great waves…but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong we are stronger inasmuch as it passes and we remain." Gramma struggled with the effects of loss the remaining days of her life, but through this loss she discovered life should be enjoyed, not endured and more importantly "What we have once enjoyed, we never lose. All that we love deeply, becomes a part of us." (Helen Keller)

Through Gramma's example we have learned to continue to put one foot in front of another, hold our heads up high, and to just keep moving. She taught us that loving others might bring loss, but it also brings great happiness, peace and joy into our lives. She taught us "Sometimes forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." (Gordon B. Hinckley). If you could sum up one word to describe her, it would be the word “love.” She may have been tiny, but her barely five foot frame belies her unending capacity to love.

When Jonathan and I were in the midst of our whirlwind romance, I had the occasion to accompany him to a family birthday party for his cousin Greg. This was the very first time I would get the opportunity to meet Mary Ruth. As we walked into the house, the first person I saw was her. It was difficult not to notice her because as we walked into the room, she completely lit up the moment that she saw Jon. I witnessed the adoration in her eyes as she came over and held on to him, kissing and hugging him and letting him know how he had been missed by her. I knew in that moment that she loved this man, I was learning to love myself...more than I could even begin to ever really fathom. She cherished him and I felt a sudden responsibility to understand her treasure. From that time, I have witnessed time and time again, Gramma's delight in seeing and spending time with those she loves. Whether you are a spouse, daughter, son, grandchild, nephew, niece, cousin or friend...she loves and delights in you.

On that first day that I met Mary Ruth, I never fathomed the impact she would have on my life and the relationship we would share. She was more than a mother/grandmother in law...she was my friend. Over the years we have shared laughter and tears. She has taught me lessons about forgiveness, love, commitment, and devotion I couldn't have learned from any other person. She blessed our lives in numerous ways and taught our family the way love grows through sacrificing for another. The world was a better place because she was in it.

Gramma will be missed greatly as part of our family traditions, household and daily lives. We were privileged to have her for the time that we did. It will take me some time not to have her be my first thought as I awaken in the morning.

Mary Ruth would not want us to focus on the sadness of her death, but instead look at the happiness we still have in our lives. She was very specific in her wishes for us to gather together, embrace one another, eat good food (because we all know how she loved good food), and remember her fondly. She would want us to look at each other and appreciate what we have together and what we hope to make better. She would want us to remember her love and to keep loving one another. She would want us to pass on this love to our children. She wants us to know that life does go on. She is with us always. And she WILL see us again! She has great faith in the promises given to us in the scriptures. She is with the Father and the Son! She is surrounded by those she loves. Families really are forever! I bear you this solemn witness, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.