Happy Homeowners

This last year has been quite the adventure for us. In July we received a surprise visit from our landlords, inquiring what our intentions were with buying the house we were currently renting? We reaffirmed that we would begin to look in the fall (as originally agreed upon). Two weeks after school started, we received a phone call informing us that our landlords had some misfortune earlier in the year when he had been laid off. The rent we were paying had been used to supplement their lack of income and now they were facing foreclosure on the house we were living in. This news overwhelmed us. Needing a handicapped accessible house for Gramma and two children on IEP's in school (needing to stay in their schools), the prospect of moving on such short notice was daunting.

We began looking in to purchasing the house, only to discover that the Fannie Mae Laws regarding how long a buyer needed to wait before purchasing another house after bankruptcy had changed. We talked to a few lenders and they told us the same thing. We would NOT be able to purchase the house. This was sort of a relief to us because we had prayed on multiple occasions regarding whether or not we should buy this house and never felt a confirmation that we should. We knew if we bought the house because we were in a jam, we would ultimately regret it.

Our landlords began looking into "working things out with the bank" to avoid foreclosure. They had us sign another lease because "the bank was requiring there to be a signed lease." They assured us to continue paying the rent and they would work things out. There wasn't really anything suitable out there for us to rent, so we didn't have much choice in the matter.

In January, I began receiving texts from my landlords again asking "what our intentions with the house were?" We explained that the amount they were hoping for the house was way beyond what we were really willing to pay for the house. Living in the house for 2 1/2 years, we were well aware of the "problems" with the house and knew there would need to be a good deal of money invested into the house in the next 10 years. She told me they would put the house on the market in the Spring and if they couldn't sell would consider selling us the house as a "short sale."

Over the next few months we would observe people pulling up outside the house, taking notes, and taking pictures. Having foreclosed on a house, we were familiar with this process. On March 19th, one of the kids came and awakened us informing me that someone was at the door for us. I came to the door to discover someone from the landlord's bank there to "serve them with papers". Imagine both of our surprise when they discovered that we were tenants. Jonathan and I became gravely concerned. The pieces of this puzzle just weren't matching up. Supposedly the bank was aware we were renting this house, and now they were surprised we lived there? We didn't feel like we were being dealt with honestly.

We attended a wedding that day and discussed what we had experienced with my Mom and Jim and a friend of ours who is a lawyer. Our lawyer friend looked up on the Lucas County Docket and showed us exactly what had been transpiring between our landlords and the courts. The evidence was right in front of us, the house was set to be foreclosed on in May. We were counseled to stop paying rent to the landlords, place the rent in a holding account, and start looking for another place to live. He also gave us the name of the bank he works for to inquire if we might not be able to buy a house after all.

We called the bank and found out that we could indeed qualify for a 80/20 loan. We saved our income tax refund and that would be the 5% money down required. There was a house I had driven past, that I was really interested in. But by the time we started the search, it had been sold. I went on Danberry.com and started looking for houses that met our criteria. We were matched up with a realtor, Lori Stephens through Danberry...who we just loved. And the search began. We went through many houses. The house we ended up in attracted me from the beginning. When I saw it on the website, it went to the top of my list. When we went through the house, I felt like it was home. We looked at some others, but we kept coming back to this one. The house didn't seem ideal for Gramma, so we kept trying to find something else. After a great deal of prayer and consideration, we ended up putting an offer in on this one and our offer was accepted.

We no sooner had our accepted offer and Gramma started getting very sick. Before I knew it they were telling me that her kidneys had failed and we were making her a Comfort Care patient. Initially, I raised my hands to the heavens and ask "why on earth this was happening now, when we already had so much stress in our lives?" The answer came to me immediately... Gramma wouldn't be moving to the new house with us. She would pass away before we were able to move. This would allow us to bring her home, allow her to die at home like she wanted, and not have to remain in the house where those memories of her death lingered. It suddenly made perfect sense why this house on Colgate was the house for us.

The process of buying our house as a "short sale" was a stressful one. Buying this house and getting it for the price we are, is saving us $600 a month in housing. That is a beautiful prospect. What we were paying in rent on our house on Talmadge was really maxing us out. Our house payment is much more realistic for us to achieve now. The landlords fought us during this whole process, but we were able to come up with an amicable arrangement. There have been lots of ups and downs and a few occasions where we thought we had lost the house, but today we became the Happy Homeowners of our new home on 5008 Colgate Rd.

We are so grateful to our Heavenly Father's wisdom in leading us to the right paths and right people to allow this to happen. A huge burden has been lifted off of our shoulders!

Now it is time to get to work!

Gramma's Eulogy

Since Gramma's passing, I have been busy making arrangements for Gramma's Celebration of Life Service, finishing up the Celebration of Life video, and writing Gramma's Eulogy. Here is what I wrote...

"As I read Gramma's obituary this morning, I was struck with how much you wouldn't know about her and her life by reading it. Sure you learned when she was born, when she died, people who loved her and those she loved. But where did it tell you the kind of person she was? The life that she lived? What her interests and passions might be? Where did it tell you that her favorite color was Turquoise. She loved to dance. She loved to eat. She loved to laugh. She loved cats. She loved plants and nurturing life. She loved beauty. She loved the scriptures and had an abiding faith in God.

Where did it tell you that the best thing she ever did in this life was to become a mother? That she loved it so much, that she couldn't have enough children...having 13 of her own. Risking her very own life having 6 simultaneous ceasarean sections. That just when she thought it couldn't be any better to be a mother, she became a grandmother...learning she had only begun to understand her capacity for love. Where did it tell you her favorite place in the entire world was to be surrounded by her family? That she loved her family more than her very own life.

Where did it tell you that the greatest losses she ever endured came by way of the pains endured by her own children? Early in her life she was introduced to loss. She lost her mother when she was barely a woman herself. She lost her first born daughter Paula when she was just a baby. She lost her 9 year old son Greg when he was riding his bike. She lost her son Roy to the ravaging effects of cancer. And she lost her son, Michael through the devastating effects of depression. These losses were deep and even crippling at times for her. Henry James once said, Sorrow comes in great waves…but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong we are stronger inasmuch as it passes and we remain." Gramma struggled with the effects of loss the remaining days of her life, but through this loss she discovered life should be enjoyed, not endured and more importantly "What we have once enjoyed, we never lose. All that we love deeply, becomes a part of us." (Helen Keller)

Through Gramma's example we have learned to continue to put one foot in front of another, hold our heads up high, and to just keep moving. She taught us that loving others might bring loss, but it also brings great happiness, peace and joy into our lives. She taught us "Sometimes forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way." (Gordon B. Hinckley). If you could sum up one word to describe her, it would be the word “love.” She may have been tiny, but her barely five foot frame belies her unending capacity to love.

When Jonathan and I were in the midst of our whirlwind romance, I had the occasion to accompany him to a family birthday party for his cousin Greg. This was the very first time I would get the opportunity to meet Mary Ruth. As we walked into the house, the first person I saw was her. It was difficult not to notice her because as we walked into the room, she completely lit up the moment that she saw Jon. I witnessed the adoration in her eyes as she came over and held on to him, kissing and hugging him and letting him know how he had been missed by her. I knew in that moment that she loved this man, I was learning to love myself...more than I could even begin to ever really fathom. She cherished him and I felt a sudden responsibility to understand her treasure. From that time, I have witnessed time and time again, Gramma's delight in seeing and spending time with those she loves. Whether you are a spouse, daughter, son, grandchild, nephew, niece, cousin or friend...she loves and delights in you.

On that first day that I met Mary Ruth, I never fathomed the impact she would have on my life and the relationship we would share. She was more than a mother/grandmother in law...she was my friend. Over the years we have shared laughter and tears. She has taught me lessons about forgiveness, love, commitment, and devotion I couldn't have learned from any other person. She blessed our lives in numerous ways and taught our family the way love grows through sacrificing for another. The world was a better place because she was in it.

Gramma will be missed greatly as part of our family traditions, household and daily lives. We were privileged to have her for the time that we did. It will take me some time not to have her be my first thought as I awaken in the morning.

Mary Ruth would not want us to focus on the sadness of her death, but instead look at the happiness we still have in our lives. She was very specific in her wishes for us to gather together, embrace one another, eat good food (because we all know how she loved good food), and remember her fondly. She would want us to look at each other and appreciate what we have together and what we hope to make better. She would want us to remember her love and to keep loving one another. She would want us to pass on this love to our children. She wants us to know that life does go on. She is with us always. And she WILL see us again! She has great faith in the promises given to us in the scriptures. She is with the Father and the Son! She is surrounded by those she loves. Families really are forever! I bear you this solemn witness, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A mother's hands

"A mother holds her children's hands for a while and their hearts forever."

We have been on a definite adventure the last few months. In January, Gramma started communicating her sense of wearing down and being ready to leave this life. In February, the circulation in her legs became so poor that she almost required a bilateral above the knee amputation. Luckily, we got her to the hospital in time. She continued to get weaker and weaker and more and more ornery. We did the best we could for her, but the day to day pain was exhausting for her.

On Mother's Day we had a fun-filled day, taking her to Chris and Diane's for a lunch cookout and then to my Mom and Dad's for dinner. After a week of not bouncing back from Mother's day, I took her to the hospital convinced she was probably having another UTI. She was pretty confused most of the time when we were down in the Emergency Room and got downright ornery when we got her up to her hospital room. She got it in her mind that she wanted to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean" and was pretty disgusted with me for not making it happen for her.

A couple of days later, I received a phone call from the Case Manager informing me that she was in Renal Failure to the point where she would require Dialysis. Gramma has said for years that she NEVER wanted to go through Dialysis. Since I am her Health Care Power of Attorney, it was up to me to decide whether the time had come to make her a Comfort Care. The plan was decided to finish treating her infection and then bring her home, where she would want to be. I went up later that day and she looked pretty good, sitting up in the chair, feeding herself, and oriented. I reviewed with her whether it was still her desire not to do Dialysis and she agreed that she didn't want to go that route. I saw her Wednesday and Thursday and whereas she didn't look as good as she had on Tuesday, she still didn't look as bad as when I had brought her in. The discharge to home was set for Friday.

Jonathan and I were stunned when we walked in on Friday to pick her up. She was lethargic, confused, and incredibly weak. We were barely able to get her home on our own, but we managed to get her home preparing ourselves for what the remainder of her time might consist of. They discharged her late on a Friday, making it difficult to coordinate the services we would need for Gramma over the weekend. Fortunately, I had given the agency that provided her Nursing Assistants a heads up that I would be needing help over the weekend. We cancelled any plans over the weekend and planned on providing the care she would require.

It was a challenge! Jonathan had never taken care of someone who was a total care patient before, so I had to teach him how to transfer her, turn her, dress her, feed her, bather her, change her....EVERYTHING. She had already started to sleep a lot and her interactions with us were limited.

By Sunday, she had gone even further down hill. We couldn't even transfer her into a chair because she couldn't even sit up and she wasn't really eating much at all. It was a challenge just to get her meds into her. Fortunately I was able to get an HCD that night from work, because that was when the phone calls really began as Gramma's children realized that their mother might be dying soon. We spent hours on the phone helping them to understand, attempting to help them gain peace, and allowing them the opportunity to express their love to her over the phone and some of them in person.

Monday, I called her case manager through Passport and maxed her services to having a Nursing Assistant there 8 hours a day. Gramma was taking lots of care and not knowing how long this might continue on, we had to return to work. The help was essential for us. Her longtime aid, Melinda Grimes altered her life around immediately and was there for us helping us through. Having Melinda there really eased our minds, because we knew that Gramma knew her and trusted her...and we knew her and trusted her. I went to the grocery store and bought her favorite foods, hoping that we might be able to persuade her into eating more.

Gramma continued to go down hill quickly and within a few days we called her Doctor's office and had them consult Southern Care Hospice for her.

Friday, Tommy and Camelia came to visit Gramma. At the same time, the Hospice Nurse and Social Worker came to open Gramma's case and begin providing services. She declined even more over the weekend, and we weren't sure how much longer she would be with us.

On Memorial Day most of the family arrived. There was a hub bub of activity as The Riegers, The Bullocks and Naomi all came to town to see Gramma. Teresa and Ken came. Kenny and Sarah came. Kevin came. Elisa and Bob came. Chris and Diane were there. April, Tim and Jamie were there. If there weren't family members physically here, they were here via the phone. The house was filled with people who loved her....and their love enveloped Gramma.

Feeling the love and energy from her children, Gramma started to perk up. Gramma loved her children and grandchildren deeply. She loved spending time with them. Their presence with her now was a precious gift to her.

Tuesday and Wednesday was filled with visitors in and out. On Wednesday night, I challenged Nicole and Michelle now that they had their opportunities to express their love and make their peace with Mom, that it was time for them to think about giving her permission to go. This was a hard conversation to have, and their hearts were heavy...but we all knew that it was time.

The next morning I couldn't even get Gramma to swallow yogurt to take her meds. Michelle showed up early, appearing as if she hadn't slept, requesting some private time with her mother. I left to run some errands to afford her this opportunity. While I was gone, I called Hospice and asked that they get the Morphine and Ativan to us in case she begins to get agitated or painful. I was only gone a few hours, when Melinda, the nursing assistant called and informed me that Gramma's breathing was starting to become labored and rattling. I hurried home.

The meds came that afternoon. By dinner time, Gramma's breathing and agitation was worsening. Michelle and I decided to give her the Morphine and Ativan to help ease some of her agitation. Shortly after, the family all began arriving. I texted Krisi (who works for Southern Care Hospice) and let her know what was happening. She came to offer support. We opened the bedroom window to allow for some air circulation and Nicholas thought it was good fun to come to the window from the outside and scare everyone. I had asked him to stop, but as usual he thought he knew better.

About 9 pm, there were several people gathered in Gramma's room. She started to act agitated again. It was too soon to give her another dose of meds. So Nicole and Michelle started singing "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley. They started dancing around. Watching the labored breathing increase, I looked at Krisi inquiring if she might be dying right at this moment? Krisi's eyes told me "she thought so". I looked over at Gramma and she made a pained expression and took her last breath. I went upstairs and grabbed my stethoscope. When I returned to the room and listened, I confirmed for everyone that she was gone. Right at that moment, Nicholas came to the window and scared us all again. Grrrrr! This was at 9:05 pm, but we had to wait for the Hospice Nurse to arrive to officially call her time of death at 9:29 pm.

The rest of the evening consisted of goodbyes, tears, and consoling one another. Since May of 2005, we have been on this care giving journey with Gramma. We were with her every step of the way and did all that we could. In that time we had a lot of laughter, tears, and tons of growth. She taught our family things we couldn't have learned in any other way. We feel her absence in our lives for the time being, but we know we are so much richer from the love we received from her. We KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will be with her again.
Gramma, We love you deeply and miss you desperately!
"Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be all right!"