Mark Schultz - He's My Son

When I was at Time Out For Women last weekend, Dallyn Vail Bayles sang this song (This version is not Dallyn singing, but rather Mark Schultz). When Dallyn sang, the spirit was so strong. It was as if he was bearing his testimony with every song he sang.

I began to sob as I listened to the words of this song...

Our journey raising our children has not been an easy one. With the birth of our first three sons, it was apparent very early on that there were some things that weren't quite "right" with them developmentally. Then with Nicholas we had a seemingly "normal" son who developed appropriately, and then he was stricken with RSV as a newborn and struggled with Reactive Airway Disease the first few years of his life. My first thoughts when facing these challenges were, "life is hard enough...I don't want them to have to struggle even more." You bring these children in to the world and you know that they are going to have tough times, but you just pray that those tough times will be minimal and they'll have all of the resources they need to get them through.

Kyle has been our child who has taken the most patience, perseverance, and love in raising. He is also the child who has taught us the most about who we are and what we are capable of. From the time he was a newborn, I've found myself trying to find a way to help him and make him happy. His heart is good, but he has always struggled. As I began spending years, tirelessly teaching and attempting to guide him, I always looked toward the day when he would grow out of "all of this" and finally know better.

A few years ago, the doctor sat down and had a heart to heart with me regarding the possibility that Kyle may never outgrow "this", but may always need our support, strength, and guidance throughout his life. This was a sobering thought for me...and really began changing my focus and direction with Kyle.

I was grateful for that "heart to heart" when Kyle was diagnosed, shortly thereafter, as being Autistic NOS, on top of his ADHD, Developmental Delays, Dyslexia, and behavior issues. My next thought was "how on earth are we going to get him through the teen years?" I attempted to go online and quickly became intimidated with the possibility of what the teen years might bring.

The journey in to the teen years is becoming more and more arduous. As Kyle goes through his body changing and growth spurts that come with puberty, he is also becoming more and more difficult to manage. He goes from being my sweet, loving boy to a violent, cussing, angry boy within a matter of seconds. We try to use behavior programs and anger management methods, but once he decides to "cross that line" he becomes completely unreasonable and will hit or destroy anything or anyone in his path...he cusses like a "trucker"... and he will say any hurtful thing he can think of. On many occasions, it has taken Jonathan, Dylan and I to take Kyle "down"... restraining him until he will finally settle down. It's exhausting emotionally and physically and once it's all said and done, my heart breaks more for Kyle and what he is going through, than what we have been put through.

I want so much for him not to have to have these struggles. I want for him to feel accepted amongst his peers. Puberty is difficult enough to go through without having all of these struggles combined with them. I want so much for Kyle to know how "normal" feels. As hard as we try to provide "normal everyday" experiences for him, he never quite is able to manage not struggling for every single thing he wants in life. What he wants most of all right now (Feeling like he fits in, having friends, and normality) he is incapable of attaining.

As I listened to this song, I was so deeply touched that our Heavenly Father knows of our struggles. He loves our little ones as much, if not more than we do. I am grateful to have the knowledge that when our "best" stops being good enough, Heavenly Father's "best" steps in.